Practice Makes Perfect
Perfect practice makes for perfect performance. In school, there was this band teacher that always got on our case for what he called, “lazy practice.” He would harp on the fundamentals like holding the instrument correctly, proper posture, getting in ready playing position at least one measure before an entrance. He harped on these basics with every student because he knew that lazy practice meant mediocre performance, while perfect practice would make for a better overall performance. He’d write on the board in big swooping letters, “Perfect Practice makes Perfect Performance.”
Couples engaged to be married are often busy preparing for their special wedding day. They have to meet with the venue, the caterer, the florist, the musicians, the officiant of their wedding, their wedding planner, etc., all to get ready for a single day that will change their lives. Often this time can be stressful for both. Brides want their wedding day to be as magical as they’ve always dreamed, and the parents of both parties just want the day to go smoothly (and not cost too much) so they can see their children begin a long and happy life. It’s all well and good that the preparation before a wedding should include a number of tasks for the big day, but that shouldn’t be the only preparation going on.
Marriage, like other activities, is not a one-off event. Your wedding day is not an “accomplishment” like a carpenter completes his work by building a chair. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, in good times and bad, sickness and health, for the good of both spouses in love. The period of engagement is a period of final preparation for the couple too.
At the beginning of their relationship the couple asks whether or not they are compatible, or good for each other. Each person has to ask themselves when they begin a relationship, “are they good for me?” A reasonable concern for anyone beginning a relationship. We need to have boundaries, put up walls, protect our heart from hurt. To be clear, vulnerability is an essential part of any relationship; when we enter a relationship, vulnerability comes with intimacy, but intimacy should not be the first step in any relationship. As the couple grows in their knowledge of one another, when they test the waters of a new relationship and the walls come down, they realize that the other person is “good” for them, not there to take advantage, hurt, or use them for their own gains.
When a man proposes and begins the final preparation for marriage, all of the elements of a good, wholesome, and honorable relationship should be in place. There should be open communication, shared goals, complete transparency, and a plan for their life moving forward. Engagement is the final stage of preparation for marriage which seeks to purify the couple to make them ready for day one of their wedded life.
The final stage of preparation should be markedly different from the casual dating scene. There should be a seriousness about their relationship, and your focus should change. If dating someone means testing whether they are good for me, then engagement should be asking, “am I good enough for them?” In other words, what we try to focus on in the final preparation is making our hearts the best gift I can give my spouse on my wedding day. I want to test myself, make sure that I am striving to be worthy of my beloved by the way I live my life.
We can do this in a number of ways.
1.) Find new ways to court your beloved. Courtship should never end in a relationship. People change, their interests change, and relationships must be able to adapt to those changes. When we learn how to be attentive to our beloved, we can continue to grow in intimacy and relate to our spouse.
2.) Work on yourself. If marriage is the gift of self, then make sure the gift is worthy of your spouse. Truth is that our beloved can’t make us better, but they can give us the reason we need to become better. The work is our own, but they can give us the inspiration. Your spouse, or future spouse should inspire you to be better every day, if only to be worthy of them.
3.) Learn your vows. The vows are your promises in marriage. If you have not reviewed these before your wedding day, if you do not understand them, if you have not prayed with them with your fiancé, then upon what grounds will your marriage be based? Your vows are the foundation of your marriage and the glue that binds you as a couple after your wedding. It would make sense that anyone entering into marriage would have some reasonable familiarity with the words that would change their marital status and shape their life thenceforth.
